An Indian Summer

We were surprised to find that our bus to Nha Trang was in fact a sleeper bus, despite the fact that the journey wasn't that long and took place in the daytime. It was also a world away from the plush and comfy looking sleeper coaches that we'd spotted in Ho Chi Minh City. It was ancient, leaked rain water and only a little bigger than a seated bus. Inside it boasted three rows of narrow metal beds over two levels. Moving about required a kind of stooped crawl and we found that we had to slot ourselves into our allocated compartments like peanuts. I got a floor level bed, James clambered like a monkey into the bed directly above. After a few seconds, he announced with a note of concern in his voice that his window slid open to match the length of his bed. He decided to lock it to avoid rolling right out of the bus, should it go round any particularly sharp bends.

It was broad daylight, so i snuggled down sporting my fetching panda eye mask and managed to get some sleep despite the usual erratic driving. One bumpy journey, a stop involving an encounter with a coffee weasel and some vietnamese pot bellied pigs; and we had arrived in lively Nha Trang City.
We dropped off our things at the hotel, it was going dark but there was not a moment to spare - we made it down to the promenade and ran straight onto the curve of beach and into the soft cool sand - I was so excited at seeing my first beach in six weeks. We found a little night market and had some dinner of seafood noodles and local beer (Zorack) which was delicious. Barbequed ostrich and alligator also featured at most of the stalls.

We encounted a funny sight on the way back to our hotel, as about 20 chihuahuas ran amok in the street. Chihuahuas seem to be the dog of choice in what we have seen of Vietnam so far, and one person appeared to have gone overboard in their love of the tiny rats.

Our first full day was spent soaking up the sun on the beach, being offered massages and photocopied paperbacks by people in cone hats.
Obviously this was great, but once i had read in the guide book that the National Oceanographic Institute was nearby, the geek in me needed to be satisfied. The following day we took a taxi to Cau Da Wharf (which immediately got me singing 'time wharf' in my head) 6km out of the city. The book was vague at best so we traipsed around getting sweaty in the boiling heat trying to ask for directions. No one seemed to understand what we wanted! I just couldn't comprehend why this wasn't the no. 1 tourist attraction in Nha Trang.

We decided to get ice cream to cool ourselves down and i made the fatal mistake of pointing at an innocent looking yellow ice lolly, which turned out to be DURIAN flavour. Worryingly like a tasty jackfruit in appearance, but a bit smaller and with bigger spikes, durian is for some completely unknown reason a popular snack in Vietnam. It's vile cheesy pong drifts up your nose as you wander through markets and past street stalls, and somehow seems to cling to the back of your throat. The best way to describe the flavour is to borrow a phrase coined by Dad to describe the unique taste of black truffles - "like someone farted in my mouth."
With the taste of durian lingering, we eventually came to our destination, which is housed in a huge colonial mansion. We had lots of fun looking at the live exhibits outside, which included reef sharks, a cute seal and some beautiful giant green sea turtles. It was surreal to explore the cavernous rooms full floor to ceiling with thousands of glass jars, containing some very bizarre looking pickled sea creatures. In one room there was even an eighteen metre long humpbacked whale skeleton.

Whilst in Nha Trang we also paid a visit to some Cham Towers (the 'Po Nagar' towers), which are ancient red brick structures built by the Hindu Cham people between the seventh and twelfth centuries. Unfortunately, we couldn't go inside these as James's shorts were too scandalous again and my dress was 'above my knees.' So we just admired them from outside. More time was spent on the beach, and of course sourcing a suitable bar in which to watch Liverpool's first premiership game of the season.
On our last day we took a ride on the 'world's longest cross-sea cable car' to the tacky, but fun, Hon Tre island. Huge white letters (in the style of the 'Hollywood' sign) on the side of the island announce your arrival to the site of 'Vinpearl Land,' where for 300 dong we could visit the amusement park, water park, aquarium, games park, restaurants, shopping mall and a dubious looking 'animal circus' (optional.) It was a fun day of doing totally non-cultural things.

The next stop was going to be Hoi An, where we definitely would be able to get our fill of culture.

The bus made two stops on the way to Da Lat. Each time it pulled up at the road side, the allocated stop time was screamed in Vietnamese. The stops were carried out with millitary timing and precision.
Both times, before we knew what was happening, we found the bus was pulling away along the road with us running after it. This nightmare occured twice and both times the bus driver glared at us as we clambered back on.

We arrived in Da Lat late afternoon. It appeared like a candy coloured apparition perched high in the hills. From the bus station we got a taxi to our hotel, which did nothing to dispel the stories i'd heard about the hill town being a bit kitsch. It is the favoured honeymoon destination for Vietnamese.
We were welcomed by the sight of huge salmon pink villa, sat in a garden peppered with laquered squirrels with goofy grins. An elaborate white wrought iron garden swing was set next to the lobby. A huge china dalmation sat grinning and clutching a basket of flowers, next to the carved wooden sign that declared we had arrived at the aptly named, 'Villa Pink House.'
The hotel owner, Mr Rot, ushered us in with a beaming smile, handed us the room key and told us we could check in "another time." Not really understanding this but grateful for the opportunity to get rid of our heavy bags, we lugged them up the stairs to the top floor, passing several stuffed animals on the way.
That evening we walked past a glut of the ever popular neon signed karaoke bars and went for dinner at the nearby 'Art Cafe.' I had decided that places with this name usually turned out to be good, or at least interesting, and the food was very tasty. I had an aperitif of Da Lat strawberry wine, which tasted like sherry.

Breakfast the following day was french bread and strong Vietnamese coffee, which i am developing a taste for. As i admired the lovely photographs adorning the walls (of the Da Lat lake surrounded by flowers), James pointed out that they were entirely fake and that the lake, flowers and even the people lounging around on the banks had all been photoshopped on.
Still, i was eager to see the apparently enormous lake that sits in the centre of the town and we tried in vain to find it. After trudging around in the heat for a few hours we decided that we might see it from the cable car ride to the top of the hill, which offered some good views of the town and surrounding countryside, but no lake.

At the other end we found another, smaller lake, nestled amongst the hills. We walked around the edge, past ice cream stands and deserted cafes, miserable looking monkeys in tiny cages and stalls selling tacky cowboy hats. (For some reason, the Vietnamese seem to have some kind of underlying obsession with the Wild West.)
We were quite keen to have a go on the swan shaped pedal boats that lined the shore but sadly there didn't seem to be anyone to consult about this.
By this stage i was feeling delirous from the thin air and the surreal feeling of this deserted lake side tourist-ville. We found it was a real effort to climb back up to the cable car station and i kept dissolving into fits of giggles/tears. A terrapin that we found bobbing around in a pond kept me captivated for at least half an hour.

This hysterical feeling was not helped by the fact that our next stop was what the locals call, the 'Crazy House.' The Crazy House is a guest house/tourist attraction on the edge of town which has earned this nickname from it's unusual architectural style - a cross between a drunk gaudi without the finesse and the decor from a disney park. Obviously, i loved it. We had lots of fun navigating the winding passages and precarious staircases, and visiting the themed rooms. My favourite had to be the kangaroo room, which comes complete with a 7ft tall fibreglass kangaroo with glowing red eyes.

We decided that evening to move on from Da Lat, and on to Nha Trang and a much anticipated sun drenched beach.

The following morning we discovered some Japanese-style kitsch shops. They sold innumerable pieces of tat that we never knew we needed. After I had finished mooning over these things, we spent the afternoon wandering through the vast free-flying aiviaries of KL Bird Park and snapping hundreds of blurred photographs of birds flying, perching, hopping, pecking, wading and generally hanging out. There were bird park employees everywhere, poised with cameras to snap us posing with various parrots and owls, including an extremely funny white cockatoo that was constantly screaming for attention. We also spent a while cuddling some adorable tiny chicks and ducklings.
A particular highlight of this visit was the moment when an enormous stork swooped overhead and did a huge poo all over James - sadly, the people clutching cameras weren't around to capture this special moment - luckily i jumped in and did the honours.
For dinner we had raw chicken from Petaling Street Market... yum.

Thursday and Friday were lazy days, we discovered an enormous shopping mall with a huge rollercoaster and a cinema inside, the rain had started so we decided to catch up on some films - 'Inception' which was brilliant, and 'Eclipse' which was ok. (Edward and Jacob got too bitchy and Bella should have chosen Jacob.)
"She needs to make her damn mind up!" - James.
I have to admit that we may have indulged in a Maccy D's or two during this time.
We spent Friday night at the 'Reggae bar' (just a few doors down from our hostel), which serves chicken pepperoni and plays classic hip-hop and reggae tracks inter-spliced with Britney Spears and Shakira... heaven. There was also a 'Beatles Bar' which to our disappointment, was closed.

On Saturday we made our Journey via Air Asia to Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam, it was a lovely short flight (2 hours). Our cosy hotel, 'Nguyen Khang' could be found down a small side street in the city centre. It had a posh lobby with a huge glowing fishtank, complete with what James called, a 'groober' fish. The receptionist was very smiley and friendly, although she had a tendency to root around in her nose with her finger as she was chatting away to us. I was feeling a bit under the weather, so we had an early dinner in a nearby restaurant, with the brilliant name of 'Hung hung long'. It was run by a very jolly man who kept offering us huge glasses of tequila, and he seemed very put out when we refused it.

Our first full day in Ho Chi Minh City began with a visit to Ben Thanh (or 'Ben 10') market. As we walked through the narrow covered aisles, the stall holders stroked our arms and offered us bags, clothes and tacky looking souveneirs. The centre of the market had a very strong fishy smell, it was crammed with food stalls, all with display cabinets stacked high with noodles, cooked chickens and shrimp and different kinds of shellfish. Through the back we found the wet market, where the smell became really pungent. Here people were selling hunks of meat, bunches of various ears and tails, clusters of crabs and huge buckets of live fish and prawns.
We continued on to find the moving War Remnants Museum, a building surrounded by tanks and helicopters and filled with shocking exhibits showing the human cost of the American War in Vietnam. There were lots of grisly photographs of mine and torture vicitms. Alongside there there can be found a tank of formaldehyde preserved foetuses displaying some horrific deformities caused by use the chemical weapon, Agent Orange. There are glass cases full of mines, bullets and nail bombs. It is not a place for the faint hearted. Some more uplifiting exhibits showed 'before' and 'after' photographs of the Vietnamese countryside recovered from the chemical attacks.

We decided to do something more light-hearted that evening and booked ourselves in to see a Vietnamese Water Puppet Show. We had nose-bleed seats and really had no idea what to expect, i was excited but James was doubtful that 50 minutes of puppet action was enough to hold his attention. He armed himself with snacks.
The lights dimmed in the theatre and a high pitched wailing began, accompanied by clashing cymbals and rhythmical drumming. The curtains drew back to reveal a stage of murky brown water, in which a series of colourful wooden characters splashed and danced around, their arms swinging wildly. The puppeteers hide waist-deep in water behind a bamboo screen and control the puppets using underwater poles, which amazingly never get tangled. An enjoyable romp about a farmer and his buffalo was followed by more scenes of villiage life, butterflies, ducks, fishermen and dragons spitting fireworks, and a cute sequence where two birds fell in love and laid an egg which hatched into a mini bird. The show ended to riotous applause and we enjoyed some of our first genuine Vietnamese street food for dinner, bun bo (beef with rice noodle served with lashings of herbs) though we played it safe and didn't order the snake.

On Wednesday we walked the long trek through the city to the Botanical Gardens. We were offered rides on cyclos which apparently could fit both of us, but decided against it after one passed by us with two thorougly miserable looking girls crammed into one miniscule metal seat. We paid a tiny entrance fee of 20p which also allowed us entry into the zoo in the middle of the garden. It was funny to watch groups of Chinese tourists posing theatrically among the flowers and in the orchid house. The zoo held a surprising collection of animals, including plastic dinosaurs, white tigers and lions, and an enormous hippo which appeared as a brown island in the middle of a tank. I stood for at least 10 minutes poised with my camera, waiting for it to move, but it didn't oblige. The stars of the show were some hilarious goats that farted and blew rasberries at us. The zoo also held an impressive collection of fat rats which ran freely around the paths and through the exhibits.

After, we paid a visit to the Jade Emperor Pagoda which was packed full with local people paying respects and praying with handfuls of incense sticks. Our eyes stung and the air was so think and sweet with smoke, it was almost choking. The walls were covered with intricate carvings and lovely gold statues could be glimpsed through the fog of incense.
Our last day in Ho Chi Minh City was spent visiting the 'Reunification' or the 'Independence' Palace. Not the prettiest building on the outside, the interior consists of a series of Presidential reception and conference rooms with dodgy sixties and seventies decor, including circular sofas and elephant foot umbrella stands. There was even an old fashioned cinema and projection room. We had decided to dodge the tour so we had plenty of time to pose for photographs in the bunker style war rooms, buried deep in the labyrinth-like basement of the building.
Amongst the exhibits in the palace were photographs showing the self-immolation of a Buddhist monk called Thich Quang Duc. In protest at the repression of Buddhists in the 60s by then President Ngo Dinh Diem, this man had sat in the middle of a city junction and meditated in the lotus position as he was voluntarily doused in petrol and set alight; he sat quietly meditating until he was dead. He looks very serene in the pictures despite being engulfed in flames.

The next morning we were up early to catch our 6 hour bus to the hill town of Da Lat.

We spent our final night in Fort Kochi in a lovely little homestay called the 'Bounty Yatra.' The evening was spent at a concert of Indian classical music performed on the sitar and tabla (Indian 20 stringed instrument accompanied by bongo style drums) which i looked forward to with much anticipation. James did not share my excitement. Before the performance we sat in Art Cafe with Subish and the new volunteers, four french boys who we tricked into buying us iced coffee and a mountain of chocolate cake. When i told Subish what we had planned for the evening, he looked at me in horror and declared it "soooooooo boring." In fact both of the boys were wrong, as the musicians turned out to be very talented men who played beautiful sounding music compelete with some first class head wobbling.

We said a fond farewell to Subish, 5pm next afternoon and sent off with a cry of 'Hasta la vista, baabyyy!' from our rickshaw driver, we caught our flight to Kuala Lumpur. It was only a 4 and a half hour flight but it felt much longer, and both felt completely knackered when at 3am KL time we reached our hostel, 'Reggae Guest House 2.' At the 7-11 we walked round in a daze, amazed at the bright lights and air conditioning. We accumulated a pile of junk food which we took back to our room and consumed before passing out.

Tuesday morning was spent wandering around in the sweltering heat and looking in awe at the towering skyscrapers of Kulala Lumpur. We paid a visit to Central Market, a real tat fest where you can buy anything from a keyring of an insect suspended in resin to a plastic hamburger that doubles up as a vanity mirror. The food hall tempted us in with the promise of 'Curry Fish Head.' It was interesting to watch ladies in full buhrkas expertly tucking into bowls of rice and noodles without removing the veil covering their face.
We took a stroll in the jungle which sits oddly in the middle of the towering buildings of the city centre, and went to the top of the Menara telecommunications tower which gave a great view of the sprawling metropolis below. The entrance fee included a free ride on a miniature pony around the car park, we arrived excitedly clutching our tickets but our excitement was shortlived as we were promptly turned away for being too fat. Luckily, we were not too fat to view the crazy assortment of animals on display in the visitor centre, including racoons, a gigantic reticulated python, some foxes, a two headed turtle and one very depressed and dehydrated looking chinchilla. James had to stop me from putting it in my bag. We declined to offer of purchasing a whole live chicken to feed to the menageire and moved on.
We eventually found the famed Petronas (the world's tallest twin towers and fourth tallest buildings) and they really are impressive, towering above all other skyscrapers in the city. Inside we wandered past the polished shop fronts of Prada & Chanel, Ferragamo & Brioni, Cartier and Franck Muller, feeling very much like tramps. Hunger struck so we treated ourselves to monster 10oz burgers at the Hard Rock Cafe. I ploughed through mine with worrying ease.

When we left it was dark and the Petronas Towers looked incredible, glittering with white lights. On the way back to the Reggae House, we discovered a treasure trove of imitation designer goods in the noisy and colourful Petaling Street Market, alongside food stalls selling treats ranging from the delicious (fresh chicken satay skewers and glistening fruits) to the bizarre (love heart shaped meat slabs, tutti frutti pork and tea-eggs?)

During the bumpy jeep journey back to Cochin we took in our last views of the gorgeous Nilgiri ghats and spectacular waterfalls, stopping occasionally to take pictures. During one such stop we were trying to capture the tea plantations blanketed in mist and i plunged my flip-flop clad foot into a sloppy lurid green cow pat. Cow crap covered my bare foot up to my ankle, and i anxiously hobbled around looking for somewhere to rinse it off. We were surrounded by boggy streams so i popped my foot into the cool water and swished it around. I lifted my foot out gingerly and sat right on it was a fat brown toad. I screamed. This was a horrible series of events. As i climbed back into the jeep of laughing men, Subish remarked with a solemn face that i should check my foot for leeches. I felt sick.

Later we decided to go out for our much lusted-after Pizza Hut meal. We wolfed down two massive pizzas and were outraged at the excessive bill (5 quid each). Using a knife and fork seemed very alien.
We spent Friday indulging in some retail therapy in Fort Kochi, and photographing goats in human poses. I bought two pairs of huge billowing pants made with brightly printed flowery chiffon, with crotch areas that hang around ankle height; and a big yellow topaz ring. We stopped at the famous and trendy looking Kashi Art Cafe for some cake and the most delicious iced coffee. Lots of local people seemed eager to talk to or photograph us, even though there were other tourists around. One man followed us along the road to say smilingly and without pause; "Hello! Do you have any children? You, you have Keralan face. You Keralan woman. Bye."
We had a huge pig out at Dal Roti and i tried mutton (goat) which was like bony small beef. We walked back along the fishing nets to the boat jetty and a man sidled up and offered us fresh marjiuana, which we decided to politely decline. I feel India is trippy enough already.

On Saturday morning we got the early bus to Alleppey, which is a challenge in itself. After running around highly stressed for half an hour we boarded for the two hour journey. On arrival we anxiously looked around for the notorious orange bearded man that Katie and co had run into, but luckily there was no sign of him. After pacing up and down the jetty for a while being pestered by men who looked different but were all apparently brothers, we chose a lovely and enormous boat for our trip around the sprawling backwaters and settled down with some fresh lime juice to enjoy the gorgeous scenery. The boat chugged along serene glassy riverways, lined by fat palms that leaned across and dipped their leaves into the cool water. The boat (it can house six people in high season) had an open deck with a dining table and tv and two double bedrooms (with bathrooms nicer than the one in our house!). It also had a lovely sun deck on top were we sunbathed, drank chai and ate - much to James' delight - mini param podis. It was heaven. A huge lunch of curry and fish fry was served, later we moored and we were again served an enormous amount of food and a rare treat of ice cold beer. There were some massive bats swooping overhead that could put the beasts in Chester Zoo's 'Twighlight Zone' to shame and little geckos were feasting on the flies attracted by our candles. After dinner we watched some David Attenborough gems and then 'The Fast and The Furious' (the original and only good one.)
This morning after a breakfast of idlys and chutney we sailed back to the jetty and got the bus back for our last day in the YOI Office and Cochin.